


Lost

by Bespokegarbage



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Death, Dissociation, Everyone Needs A Hug, Flashbacks, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Starvation, Time Travel Fix-It, Urahara is not having a good time in this one folks, no beta we die like men, the discription isn't all that violent I just wanted to be careful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27029923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bespokegarbage/pseuds/Bespokegarbage
Summary: When Kisuke finds himself in the past he only has a single goal: To kill Aizen before he can bring  harm to anyone. Luckily, he succeeds, unluckily he finds himself trapped somewhere he never thought he would be, the Maggot's nest.
Relationships: Hitsugaya Toshirou & Urahara Kisuke, Kurosaki Ichigo & Urahara Kisuke, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 6
Kudos: 110





	1. In the blink of an eye

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if I should tag anything else

Urahara Kisuke woke up in his bed in the 12th division barracks. This would have been all well and good, had he not been exiled over 100 years prior. His eyes darted around the room, trying desperately to assess what exactly had happened. Looking down, he could see his crisp captain’s haori tossed casually at the foot of his bed. Then he remembered, then he got angry. 

He got up out of bed, padding softly around the room in his bare feet, trying to quell the anger roiling in his chest. Pacing around the room, his mind quickly puts together two vital pieces of information. 1) He was still a captain at this point in time, 2) Aizen wasn’t dead yet.

Shifting into shumpo as easily as breathing, he is across half of the Seireitei before he can even blink. Grimly he thinks to himself, Yorouici would’ve been so proud if she –

He cuts the thought off with extreme prejudice. Now is not the time. He’s reached the 5th division barracks now as he drops his shunpo and hides himself in the shadows. Kisuke can feel his reiatsu shining like a flame down the hallway, and he’s drawn like a moth to it. As he sneaks through the hallway, only one thought crystallizes in his mind.

Aizen is going to die. Today.

When he finally makes it to the room that Aizen is in, he stops to check for any other reiatsu nearby. There’s no one there and his face splits into a wide grin. His smile stretches, becoming more of a grimace than a smile. He clenches his hands, the sharp pin-pricks of pain from his nails digging into his palms grounding him. Withdrawing Benihime from her scabbard, he can hear her screaming for blood. Clenching his teeth, he enters the room.

Honestly, the ending of Kisuke’s never-ending war was a little anti-climactic. After he slit the megalomaniac’s throat, he snatched the cursed zanpakto from where it fell, casting as many sealing kido on it as physically possible. So focused on his casting, he didn’t notice that other people had entered the room.

“Urahara-taicho...” The voice trailed off, tremulous.

The voice draws him from his single-minded focus on the blade in his hand. Looking around, he can see a few of the other captains. He can see the confusion in their eyes as they point their swords at him. Dazed from his excessive use of reiatsu, he drops Aizen’s sword with a scoff. He can feel blood soaking into his shihakusho, sticky against his skin. Looking back down at Aizen’s body at his feet, he can’t bring himself to regret killing the man.

“Urahara-taicho” The voice he hears sounds cold and absolute. Kisuke looks the captain of the first division in the eye, his face emotionless. 

“Yes?” There was no use being polite anymore. Kisuke was absolutely certain that he would be killed for this offense.

Noises from outside of the room draw his attention, he can see someone pushing their way to the front of the crowd. Hiyori finally thrusts her way through the final row of people and stumbles into the clear area around Kisuke. He can see her eyes take in the body lying at his feet and the copious amounts of blood soaking his shihakusho. Her eyes widen in horror.

“Why…” Her voice trails off.

With that one word, the guilt comes rushing back. It feels crushing, like there’s an elephant sitting on his chest. His shoulders slump forward and he lets his head hang forward, his chin nearly touching his chest. He can see his hands shaking and can see Benihime shaking along with them. The shaking gets worse and worse, culminating in him dropping Benihime on the ground. 

People are trying to talk to him from behind drawn swords, but he can’t really hear them. His head is filled with cotton, all he can hear is static. He brings his shaking hands to his face, covering his eyes. There’s blood on his face, but he can’t bring himself to care.

Then, there are hands roughly grabbing him and forcing him to his knees. His hands are yanked behind him and restrained by heavy stone manacles. He can see them grabbing Benihime and throwing her to the corner of the room. 

Kisuke gets dragged through the streets of the Sereitei, news of his actions passing quickly to the other Shinigami. They line the walkway, their expressions ranging from confusion to anger to delight. Kisuke keeps his head bowed, focusing on the cobblestone below him. Eventually he closes his eyes to avoid their looks. As he is dragged off to what is presumably his death, he hopes that this will serve as enough atonement.


	2. The Maggot's Nest

Surprisingly, Kisuke doesn’t die. Instead, he is taken to somewhere arguably worse.

Kisuke wakes up on his first day in the Maggot’s nest to loud noises outside his cell. Rolling out of his bed he tentatively makes his way to the door. Outside, he can see the other occupants of his new home fighting desperately with the guards. Kisuke sighs, thinking about the cruel irony of being imprisoned in a place he once presided over. Looking at the fighting masses he can clearly recognize some of the people embroiled in the riot. It did not bode well for his long-time wellbeing. 

Staring out at the scene, his mind wanders and he can feel the static filling his head once more. His eyes glaze over as he lists to the side, coming to rest against the edge of the cave mouth. Unbidden, he can see the empty desert of Hueco Mundo in front of them. The corpses of his friends littered around him in the sand. He can feel Aizen’s reiatsu coming towards him. He’s not safe. He needs to get away. He needs to find Ichi—

There’s something touching his back. 

Reaching behind him, he grabs Aizen’s wrist. Using his shoulder as a fulcrum, he throws him over his shoulder onto the dusty ground in front of him. He can hear sirens, sharp and screeching.

Why would there be sirens in the desert? Kisuke closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he can see the familiar sight of the Maggot’s nest in front of him. The riot from before had been quelled, he could see a couple inmates sulkily sitting in their own parts of the cage. 

A noise from in front of him drew his attention.

“Toshiro-taicho?” he asks, surprised at the appearance of the white-haired Shinigami.

“That would be Hitsugaya to you.” Hitsugaya is giving him an odd look as he stands from where he landed on the ground.

Shaking off the last of his stupor Kisuke rubs the back of his head idly, wishing he had his hat and fan back. 

“My mistake, sorry.” He reaches for his cane, but abruptly stops when he realises that they had taken Benihime when they had hauled him off to prison. As casually as possible he brings his hands to his side, keeping it deliberately relaxed. “What brings you to my abode Hitsugaya-san?” Kisuke adds, giving him his trademark ‘just a humble shopkeeper’ smile.

Hitsugaya squints at Kisuke, looking him up and down carefully. 

“I’m here to bring you a message from Shihouin-taicho.” He pauses, looking Kisuke in the eye. “She would have come herself but...”

“I’m guessing that she was put under surveillance because of her relationship to me?” Kisuke gazes back at Hitsugaya, trying hard to forget about the last time he saw those eyes.

Toshiro nods. He moves towards Kisuke, careful to keep a safe distance between the two. Then he holds out a folded piece of paper. Kisuke can see Yoruichi’s precise writing on one side of the letter as he reaches to grab it. He has to restrain the urge to ruffle Hitsugaya’s hair as he does, knowing that would be a one-way street to getting punched in the face. This wasn’t his Hitsugaya. 

Kisuke turns to go sit on his bed, keeping Hitsugaya in his peripheral vision. He expects the Shinigami to leave, his task complete, but to his surprise, Hitsugaya follows him into the room. 

“Why did you--” he cuts off the question, clearly struggling with how to word it “I don’t understand. Aizen seemed to be a good captain, why did you feel the need to –” 

“Kill him?” Kisuke looked Hitsugaya dead in the eyes. “There’s more going on behind the scenes than you know.” 

“But why not try something else?” Hitsugaya looked like he was getting angry.

Kisuke shook his head solemly, no longer looking at Hitsugaya, but over his shoulder.

“This was the only way.” Kisuke closed his eyes and lifted his face to the ceiling. Hitsugaya thought he looked incredibly vulnerable. “If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind telling Yoruichi that I’m sorry?” 

Hitsugaya looked as if he was at a loss for words. Eventually he just nodded. 

Once he was out of earshot, Kisuke mumbled a quiet thank you as he allowed tears to drip out of the corners of his eyes.


	3. Into the breach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urahara thinks he's having a flashback, as well, he's starving and cant sleep. Yeah it's not his finest moment.

So began Kisuke’s life in the maggot’s nest. 

The other inmates were not kind to him, many of them remembering that he had once been their warden. They took delight in tormenting him, spitting in his food, making his water undrinkable. Hunger and thirst gnawed at him day in and day out. Notably, the other inmates never tried to fight him, despite the heavy stone manacles restricting his reiatsu use. They remembered how deadly he could be in hand to hand combat. 

Kisuke found the night much worse than daytime. He quickly found that he couldn’t sleep through the night, often being woken abruptly from nightmares by his own screams. So instead he resigned himself to staying awake and on guard. The worst part about nighttime was the silence. There was nothing to distract him from the thoughts jittering around his brain, the ones that told him that he deserved this, that this was a fitting punishment for the pain that he had caused, that he wasn’t good enough. 

He took to writing to try and stop the thoughts from overtaking him. Scratching them onto paper when he was allowed it, and into the walls of the cave when he wasn’t. Sometimes he contemplated reading Yoruichi’s note, holding the worn paper in his hand. He could never bring himself to open it though. 

His days and nights blurred together, only differentiated by the presence or absence of other inmates. His head feels like it’s filled with cotton more often than not, flashbacks threatening to pull him under at the hint of a trigger, and he feels a constant gnawing anxiety that Will. Not. Leave.

When Hitsugaya shows back up, it’s all Kisuke can do to not immediately run and give the small man a hug.   
“Well?” He says, a grumpy frown on his face.  
“Well what?” Kisuke stands from where he had been sitting on the bed, wincing in discomfort from the weakened state of his body. Once again, he wishes for his hat and fan. 

“Your response?” Hitsugaya looks at him coolly.

“Truthfully Hitsugaya-san, I haven’t read Yoruichi’s letter yet. I just couldn’t –” Shivering lightly, he pulls his arms close to his chest. “Must have just been too busy I guess” He says flippantly.

Hitsugaya doesn’t believe a word the other man is saying. He can see the deep circles under the other Shinigami’s eyes and the gaunt figure that spoke of too little food. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the man, trapped and alone in this dark place. In an uncharacteristic display of warmth, he edges slowly over to Kisuke and gently touches his arm, offering whatever minor comfort he could. Kisuke can feel tears dripping silently down his cheeks as he covers his eyes with his other arm. 

“I would appreciate it if you told me more about Aizen” Hitsugaya’s words were hushed.

“What good would it do?” Kisuke scrubs at his eyes one last time, then gently removes Hitsugaya’s hand from his arm. “Besides,” he makes a sweeping gesture with his hand “this is quite a fitting punishment I believe.”

Hitsugaya frowns and is about to speak when they hear the deafening screech of metal being torn apart. Immediately they see a flood of inmates running towards the entrance of the cave. 

“What?” Hitsugaya trails off as he runs to the entrance of Kisuke’s cave. Kisuke follows after him, albeit at a slower pace. He nearly trips over Hitsugaya who had stopped in shock at the sight before them. The door to the entrance has been ripped off its hinges and thrown to the side. In the doorway Kisuke could clearly see a Shinigami in a flowing black coat and orange hair fending off the inmates with his zanpakuto.

“Ichigo?” Kisuke choked out. 

Hitsugaya looked up at him in confusion, but the other man’s gaze was locked on the figure at the entrance of the prison. As if he had heard Kisuke, Ichigo locked eyes with him. Nearly instantly, Ichigo disappeared from his former position, placing himself directly in front of Hitsugaya and Kisuke. Kisuke flinched backwards at his arrival. Hitsugaya reached for Hyorinmaru but realized quickly that he didn’t have him with him. 

“You’re dead.” The words from Kisuke’s mouth stole Ichigo’s breath.  
Ichigo didn’t have time to respond before Hitsugaya was fighting him. Rolling his eyes, Ichigo casually knocked Hitsugaya out and placed the limp Shinigami over his shoulder. Ichigo took a step towards Kisuke, but he flinched back violently.

“You’re not real” Kisuke’s breathing was getting ragged. “This is just another elaborate flashback. You’re not real” 

“Kisuke please. I need you to come with me” 

“No” Kisuke was shaking his head violently.

Frustrated, Ichigo tried to think of some way to prove his identity to Kisuke. His eyes widened in surprise as he remembered Kisuke’s reiatsu sensing. Gently he extended his reiatsu as far as he dared, wrapping it comfortingly around Kisuke. Kisuke took a heaving breath then ran to the other man wrapping his arms around Ichigo’s waist and tucking his head under Ichigo’s chin. Ichigo draped the arm that wasn’t currently holding on to Hitsugaya around Kisuke’s body, pulling Kisuke firmly towards him. 

“Hold on” Making sure that he had a good grip on both Shinigami within his grasp Ichigo slipped effortlessly into shunpo. Stopping briefly at the guard station, he grabbed Hyorinmaru as they made their escape. Soon they were far away, leaving the chaos they had caused far behind.


End file.
